YoU weRe mY evErYtHinG...NoT anYmoRe

2005年7月29日星期五 --

唉。。。

I was sleeping halfway during tuition...We were learning this thingy about (ok... I forgot already! =P OPS!) And it was so ... Well, it wasn't exactly boring... But somehow, i found myself drifting off to sleep~ 呵呵~我不是故意的啦~不知觉的就睡着了。。When I went back to look at the worksheet after I managed to take a short nap and felt more refreshed, I saw that I was writing crap... Hm... Haiz... I'm such a failure... And then later, I found myself clueless as to how to attempt the questions... 呵呵~silly me~

Oh well... And then later after tuition, my mum came so that we could go to popular after we finished eating... I'm gaining carbs... 我要减肥~~！！！I gained 1 whole kg already!!! 49 kg... 天啊!!! 但是。。。唉。。我受不了诱惑。。。真是罪过，罪过。。。唉。。。以后要写什么都会一目了然。。。唉。。不能写太个人的事了吧？And then, I was looking at the O level physics and chem guide book for O level... Who knows if they'll really work? Anyway, i was looking for the o level chinese ten year series so that I can 一劳永逸。。。但是老天爷偏爱折磨我。。。我根本找不到！！！So, I returned home with the SS, Chemistry and the much needed physics guidebook... And I wasn't in the mood to do it at all when i got back...My mother was telling me how I should make use of my relationship with others to borrow things and get 资料... What the-? I don't know what goes on in her head.. But i don't think I want to 利用别人... 毕竟,我有自己的原则的...i wonder if i'm really my mother's daughter... And she was saying that those people who are not of any help to me are not worth my acquiantance... (OK, she didn't exactly say that lah~) 早知就不要告诉她我认了一个“哥哥”了。。。她整天在拐弯抹角的酸文峰哥哥和我是不可能的。。Please!!!! I know that...! I mean, I may be blind... But I'm not THAT blind... 唉。。。真是的。。。

Then, I went online to try to type this entry... But I spent more time downloading music... =P Ops... And I was distracted because 文峰哥哥was finally online... Apparently, his parents took his laptop back to china... -.-" though I don't understand what for... But i think he's using the computer at the hostel... And he was typing chinese... I was telling him that my computer cannot display chinese characters in QQ... and he was translating to english rather unwillingly... I can't believe him... Apparently he really hates english...I really wonder how he is going to improve his english if he continues to hate speaking english.. And how come he speaks english with Joy?! Anyway, I always speak chinese with him everywhere, sms, conversations... Why can't he speak english for once?! 为什么一定是要我顺着他啊?英文很不好吗?上次还在那里告诉我, "没所谓,用英文就好了..." 哪有人这样的啊? This is very ironic... Oh my... I'm over reacting a little too much... =P Ok, not a little... I'm WAY over reacting... Sorry... If i could do something so that he can type chinese, i'd have done so in the first place... What is wrong with me?! 冷静。。。冷静。。。气死我了啦！

Ok, I shall stop this.. I am being childish...and unreasonable... And stupid... 太无聊了。。。Haiz... My mother is nagging and nagging... I'm REALLY typing this blog for my own purposes... Well, I am in the wrong... We don't have broadband.. so I should use the internet only for project purposes... Right... Who am I kidding here? Anyway, next time I'll type my entries offline and only connect back online when I'm ready to put in pictures or publish my post... I'm quite happy with my new collection of songs... =) Whee~ I'm like- trying to forget that horrible chat experience here...Of course it wasn't exactly the worst.. I've had some when we don't know what to say and we just said nothing so awkwardly... It was so weird... Because we really had nothing to talk about... Hm... I guess I'd rather have something to complain about than to have nothing to complain about... 但是。。。我还是觉得我没有必要顺着他。。他还说什么，真麻烦诶。。。拜托！田慧学姐还不是跟他讲英文的...为什么只有我的很麻烦啊？Joy speaks english with him too! How come he isn't complaining? What is this supposed to mean?! 他这是什么意思嘛？Anyway, how many people actually speak chinese with him in sms? I mean, excluding the other china scholars of course...AAAHHH!!!!

天啊！！！我已经气得火冒三丈，怒不可遏了。。。怎么会这样？？！！唉。。。我需要去参加辅导课程了。。学习怎么控制自己，不要让一时冲动毁了一切。。。Ok, I shall calm down... *takes deep breaths* Ok... I'm not unreasonable...Calm down... But- Ok, ok, ok... I shall stop this nonsense... 但是我还是非常不服。。。唉。。。真搞不懂自己。。。讨厌！！！ Humph~ Ok, I am not going to let my anger get the better of me... I think i seriously need to attend anger management courses... SERIOUSLY speaking... HAIZ.... Calm down...筱文要好好冷静。。。What is wrong with me? It's not as if this is the first time i know him... and what he's like... haiz... 算了。。。冰山。。。就是这个样子的。。。唉。。。。。。他简直和流川枫冷漠的程度有得比了。。。我也真是的。。。两个超冷酷的冰山。。。我想，我快被冻结了。。。。。。 Ok, I sound so pessimistic, sighing and sighing all the way... 这会破坏我人见人爱,车见车载,花见花开,艳光四射,美若天仙,才貌非凡,如同天使,温柔体贴,天真无邪,冰雪聪明的美名...呵呵~I think I'm back to normal already... 当然咯~我是不要脸的公主殿下。。。~呵呵~Yay！ *victory sign* The act cute princess is back again... ~ I guess I can't do anything about it.. I really ought to concentrate on studies after today... Today is rest day... (just trying to give myself a break here... Really!) I am REALLY going to study very hard from tomorrow onwards... 有点自欺欺人的感觉。。。对了，我觉定了，我一定要每天都笑着。。。这样我才能够当一个活泼可爱的筱文哦~就这么办吧~ ^.^

And I think I'm too petty... 筱文不能够那么任性，小气。。。I need to work on that... 可能文峰哥哥习惯我和他讲中文了吧？我想，除了我以外，没有一个新加坡人是在发简讯什么的一直跟他讲中文的。。but he could have phrased it in a better way... And I could go and install hanvision so that I can finally read chinese in my computer... or even read my own blog entries...So, I'm in the wrong too... Lucky i didn't lose my temper then... Or I don't know if I'll be crying now... Ok, not that serious... But i don't deny that i cry VERY easily... and i cry at practically everything... i think all who know me quite well have seen me cry before... that's how big a crybaby I am... 我没有吹牛哦~句句都是实话。。。It's not like I like to cry... (who actually enjoys crying?) But I think my record was 7 times in a day... that was when that very terrible thing happened... and it was the longest.. I realise that i always cry a lot more when i'm on the phone and talking.. the person at the other line will be like "... 惨了。。。我要怎么办？她怎么哭得这样？" I am always trying hard not to cry but i just can't help it... that time i was talking with yau min on the phone and I just cried... he was like... are you crying? and i was replying him in a very shaky voice "没有啊。。。" And he suddenly told me that he doesn't know what to do now... Haiz... Maybe all guys are like that.. they don't really like to see/hear girls cry... 但是我是个爱哭鬼啊。。。我也没办法变坚强。。everybody knows I'm very weak... that time I called liting, I already cried to many times before that... And yet... I just broke down... 当时，她问我结果怎样了。。。I told her that i'll call her because my sms bills are exploding...后来，我就一直哭，一只哭不停。。。I couldn't stop crying... Liting was so nice... she was listening attentively... I don't think I'll be able to handle this type of a situation... 那。。大概是我哭得最惨的一次。。。。。。我哭得肚子阵阵作痛，眼睛红红，哭得眼泪几乎快感掉了。。。I don't know how i managed to cheer myself up... but i fell sick all the same... 我很没用吧？为了这种事哭得那么委屈，那么凄惨。。。Agnes was telling me that 你其实是自找的。。。I know that I had only myself to blame... But the thing is, I already dived into this bottomless pit... I can't get out because there is no turning back for me any more... I can only keep falling and falling until i reach the bottom and pray fervently that a miracle happens... this is my current situation...And since I chose this path, even if i regret it, I can't turn back already... because i was foolish to make a stupid choice... And i will continue to be a fool...

No guy is worth your tears & when you find one that is, he won't make you cry.
这句话好对哦。。。但是，说的到容易，做得到难。。。

22:19