YoU weRe mY evErYtHinG...NoT anYmoRe

2007年6月28日星期四 --

好想他

amrita from tsubasa reservoir chronicles

Romaji Lyrics

Kikasete natsukashii uta wo tooku de kuchizusande seinaru mitsu no you ni yume no you ni sono naka de nemurasete
Doushite sekai wa sakasa ni muryoku ni nagareteku no?
Yuuyake itsuka mita akane kumo soba ni irenai sono kawari ni

Gin-iro no ame ga futte kitara watashi da to omotte namida wo fuite
Massugu ni hada ni ochiru ryuusei furitsudzukete sono kata ni amurita
Daichi ga naite iru yoru wo kanjiru kokoro de ite anata no kizuguchi ga itamu nara sora ni negai no yumiya wo utsu
Gin-iro no ame ga futte kitara watashi da to omotte jikan wo tomete
Chiheisen hibiki wataru shizuku tashika na mono ano hibi ni amurita
Gin-iro no ame ga futte kitara watashi da to omotte namida wo fuite
Massugu ni hada ni ochiru ryuusei anata ni furu ame ni naru amurita

English Translation
Listen and you can hear the distant sound of someone humming a familiar song,
like sacred nectar, like a dream
Let me sleep surrounded by it
Why is the world being washed away in contradictions and helplessness?
At sunset, we always watched the madder-red clouds together but you can't be with me anymore
When the silver rain began to fall,
I thought that it was a part of me and I dried my tears
The shooting stars that rain straight down on your body, on your shoulders, are amrita

Your heart can feel the nights when the earth itself is crying
If your wounds are hurting you, shoot your wish as an arrow up to the sky
When the silver rain began to fall, I thought that it was a part of me
Please stop the passing of time
The sound of raindrops echoes across the horizon, something definite that, in those days, was amrita

When the silver rain began to fall, I thought that it was a part of me and I dried my tears Shooting stars cascade straight down and become the rain that falls on you... amrita

是啊，我是该在读书的

可是。。。

我也不知道自己怎么了。或许是明天是speech day的关系。突然好想念他。。记得去年我们还在表演后见面然后聊天。我还记得很清楚他说他只是穿tj的校服穿爽的。跟我说完话后就飞回中国去。我还记得很清楚那天向往打断了我们的对话。我还记得很清楚后来我在咒他打扰我们。我还记得很清楚他那天是高兴的，他一直都有在微笑，一直都在想要耍我。

就这样我又开始想念起那个男生。

那个好像从我生命中就这样不见的男生，那个我好喜欢，好喜欢的男生。。那个我因为他去了现在所在的地方的人。那个陪我逛街，拍打头贴，看烟花的男生。那个我看到他痛苦就忍不住想要流泪因为自己怎么也无法减轻他的痛苦。那个我送篮球，送1000片的拼图做生日礼物的男生。那个告诉我他会陪我却失约的男生。那个陪我过我最快乐的生日的男生。

那个不喜欢我的男生

我究竟是怎么了？为什么都已经过了那么久了我还是要傻傻地等下去？明知道他喜欢的是她，他在等她。而且她也喜欢他。两情相悦真好，好令人羡慕。他们俩互相喜欢是应该在一起的。

本来真的好难过，好难熬。。。如果知道我在那段时间做的傻事你真的就会知道我真的是个不会爱惜自己的笨蛋。可是我还是告诉自己没关系的。所以我渐渐习惯看到他们在一起慢慢地没有那么痛了。但是这是真的不痛还是是我在自欺欺人？

如果真的不管了，为什么还会注意他考什么科，还会想像以前一样用简讯简单地为他加油，为什么明天要回去突然会那么想念他，为什么一想到整整两个多月没有和他说过话会那么难过，为什么还会很希望他明天会回去，为什么还是想见他，哪怕会更痛苦

真的要靠缘分吗？一项来不怎么相信缘分会把我们撮合在一起的我一直拼命地努力，不就是因为认为我们没有缘吗？不就因为我们从以前到现在都没有缘吗？现在却要靠它吗

为什么我不能撞到头然后把这个人忘得一干二净这样我应该会剩下许多痛苦和难过吧？

21:26

yay~ tmr is last day of my JCTs

YAY~ JCTs end tmr! HURRAY! =D although sijie alr finish... heard all e sci stream ppl also finish alr. -.- SIAN

but yar... let me just rejoice tt I will be amongst the last to finish jcts becoz my china studies in chinese paper is on friday afternoon somemore. =.=

oh well~ yay! tomorrow is speech day! can't wait to see everyone! heard hweeli dey all not wearing sch uniform. aiya sian, wana change must bring clothes make bag heavier only. -.-

lazy to bring... aiya juz wear full u lorh... (.") although abit greenish... nvm, I luv e environment mah~so totally miss anderson!!! so long nvr go back le since CNY... =( haix...

duno if he will go...

haix, did i mention here b4? it's always been my dream 2 go 2 e same jc as him n go back 2 anderson sec during speech day. =(

oh well~ it's just a dream lah... dreams dun usually cum true anyway

nvm de~

I really hope he did well for his JCTs. A levels r so close alr... must jiayou oh~~ (-.- not like he'd see this anyway) O_O

so long nvr tok 2 him le.

oh well~ if he doesn't find it a pity why should I?

X_X
obviously that was a lie.

oh well~dun wry abt him le lah... I can't even survive myself... I totally screwed up maths. din even do half e paper... think i will drop to H1 after JCTs. Am dying in H2 =( den e rest also very horrible... sure fail de ='(

shall ground myself after dis week. haix... =(

meanwhile... cant wait 4 tmr!

oh darn i shud b studying 4 china studies.... although i dun really noe how 2 start studying -.-

12:16

2007年6月22日星期五 --

2dae went 2 pass hweeli prezzie

2dae went 2 pass hweeli prezzie. we went 2 lower seletar reservoir for a while 2 chat and eat ice cream..

went home soon after that to study. SIAN

but ya.. JC students HAIX sian sia...

anyway, I was so surprised to get a gift from her also. she gave me this cute green plastic apple that is pieced together. SO CUTE! luv it so much! =D

it was nice catchin up wif frenz ^^

cant wait to see everyone on speech day

meanwhile for JCTs I am SO SUPER DEAD ='(

20:23

2007年6月21日星期四 --

我是自私的

我是自私的。。。

今天上线看到他。还是没有Nyx。（以前都是Nyx & K'）后来我看到他的msn private msg写着she's not here, not there, but in my heart... ok,很明显的。他还喜欢她吧？

我很自私吧？他一定很难过吧？可是我却有高兴的感觉。。

很过分吧？

(.")

我知道。。

oh ya dis is a pict of e sports exposure taichi thingy

. my hair is longer now... obviously... since 1 month has passed (.") & my fringe is now longer & at an irritating length...-.-

22:30

2007年6月17日星期日 --

I had e weirdest dream

SO weird lah!

e night before I had the weirdest dream on earth

我梦见那天是文峰的生日。不知道在梦里我为什么会陪他过生日。（都说是梦了，所以说不可能嘛）我们去打游戏。我倒是玩得很高兴的。后来聂锦来了，我们三个一起玩。梦里的我一直输给文峰。聂锦就说文峰好厉害，我觉得有点不自在，好像很多余。后来我们一起去吃饭。文峰夹菜给我吃先。梦里的他非常不像我认识的他。可是梦里的他并没有夹给聂锦。她说文峰很体贴，对大家都那么好。她对我说，文峰对你也很好。这时梦里的我觉得她在酸我，总之不是很友善。所以我立刻说，“没有啊，我是他妹啊，不一样的。。”

不知道梦里的我为什么会说我是他妹，我们明明什么都不是了。可是梦里的我说了过后，梦里的文峰本来整个梦都没有说到话，他竟然开口说，“筱文，你忘了我不是你哥了吗？都几年前的事了你怎么还那么在乎？拜托你把以前的事都忘了吧，我们已经不是以前的那种关系，不可能再回到过去了。我也不可能像从前那样关心你，迁就你，和你胡扯了。。”梦里的他的表情非常冷淡。梦里的我哑口无言。文峰和看起来很快乐的聂锦离开了，只剩下我。

我立刻醒来，发现自己的脸是湿的。。

一年之间，什么都变了。。这是他和上天想对我说的话吗？

我找到我的2005 年的handbook了。读着，读着，感觉那段时间我真的过得好快乐。。

或许我们真的不可能再回到从前，或许甚至连我们自己都已经变了

17:15

2007年6月15日星期五 --

so long nvr blog XD

holidays are coming to an end...9 more days to my mid year exams... -.- HAIX don't think I will be able to do well... =( never really study... always slack 1. Caught in a vicious cycle of slacking -.-

when u r tempted to slack u will most probably give way to it during the start of the holidays. coz u will think... It should be ok de, slack 1 day won't die 1. then the next day, I will think about slacking AGAIN =.=

so in the end I just slack, slack and slack...

AAAAHHHHH

DIE T__T

Econs got so much to study... SO SAD! ='(

那天我上网看到他的QQ nick没有Nyx, 只有K ，我真的好高兴。。。但是或许是我想太多了吧。如果他们真的分手了，对我或许会少些痛苦，不会看到他们俩在学校里一直粘在一起。但是这样很自私吧？如果他们分手他很难过那我其实并没有什么好高兴的。

怎么办呢？我喜欢的人仍然还是文峰。但是你不觉得很怪吗？哪里有在一起不到两个月就那么快分手的啊？妹妹说那天她好像看到他们俩在cineleisure.他们好像有点意见不和。seems that they were talking and then he rolled his eyes and walked off first. then she followed after him. I'm not sure if my sis saw wrongly. although she has seen the two of them before...

我知道感情这种事是很难勉强的，所以我才没有逼他。而且现在他们在一起我已经没有和他联络了。。虽然我无法否认碰面时我还是会忍不住多看他一眼。但是我们的以前的一切就好像曾未发生过。我们也好似不认识。

我的2005的anderson handbook不见了。。那是我开始喜欢他的那一年。里面有我们在简讯里的对话，还有那一整年我和他之间发生的事。。

这是什么意思呢？

我好像还活在我们以前的回忆里不肯出来。。自从2007年的开始，一切都好像很恍惚地过。

应该已经不抱有任何希望又难过的人怎么还在自讨苦吃？(".)

22:20