YoU weRe mY evErYtHinG...NoT anYmoRe

2007年9月7日星期五 --

17 already 快要窒息

finally finished watching goong... linxiu n huiyi gave e vcd set 2 me for my 17th birthday...^^ really like it a lot =) coz goong is my favourite idol drama, besides E zuo ju zhi wen... xD I forwarded a lot of parts though.. that's how i finished it so fast

I used to think that i'm caijing... now that I think about it. I'm not even half as cheerful as her. Watching it for the 2nd time, I feel like... xiaolin is really admirable. I mean, she could give up when she said she was going to. & she even helped xin and caijing, by telling xin that caijing doesn't understand xin well enough to know certain things about him. Now I think... I'm like xiaolin.

the past... what we had was just memories. memories that only I treasure now. xiaolin said that she will bury xin deeply in her heart. isn't that like me? 我的信君，你的眼里的彩静真的对你很重要吧？我知道，你很喜欢她。

but unlike xiaolin, I won't seek death myself...绝对不会。what will happen then is that everyone will be hurt and upset. I don't want to see that.

17... what does turning 17 mean? that i'm older by 1 year? or is it a mark of 1 more year of wisdom? 我真的长大了吗？

或许坚强，微笑是外表

慧丽以前问我快不快乐时，我毫不犹豫的说我不快乐。现在我想改变我的答案，快乐。不想他的时候是快乐的。。正如宫里的皇太后说的，律还小，我更小。时间是伤口最佳的良药。伤口都会愈合的，只是分别在于花多少时间。

Chewyan met me yesterday to pass me her gift for me. it was a necklace with a ballerina. it has a princessy feeling. which is what I want. =) then it set me thinking... perhaps it was fate. xiaolin is a ballerina...

before I met her, I was sitting at amk mrt station. cause I took a bus there. I took out my hp and started reading e messages that i've been saving for more than a year now...I was listening to 你我都很傻 on repeat. & then... maybe it was because in the morning i had been watching goong... 突然好想念文峰哥哥。。看着那些简讯，所有的回忆顿时在脑海里一一的播放着，背景音乐又如此悲伤却适合，所以就不停地掉泪。。停了又哭，停了又哭，周围的一切就好像融化了一样，什么都不在乎，只是拼命地落泪。就这样，我的17岁生日在泪水中度过。我一直拿着手机等，等到第二天的12点，他始终没有传简讯过来，他。。真的忘记我的生日。

虽然以前就知道我在他心中的位置几乎是不存在的，但是，在自己生日那天得到这样的证实，并不是很好过。

信君，彩静很重要，但是晓琳呢？晓琳就不是人吗？不用考虑她的感受吗？晓琳也会哭，也会难过，也会心碎啊，你怎么可以忘记这么基本的事实呢？

我的王子，我要把你深深地埋在心中。我不要做以前的筱文了，我不想再恨她，不想恨你选择她不是我。我会像晓琳承认申彩静和李信一样承认聂锦和程文峰的。希望他们俩能够快乐，因为我再也不想看到文峰难过的样子。

其实，如果没有信，这个彩静是不是比晓琳还孤单，难过，痛苦？

如果可怜彩静，谁来可怜闵晓琳呢？

heaven gave me the 1 year i wished for in tjc 上天让我考上淡初
yet it took away the person I cared for most 却将我最在乎的文峰哥哥带走

我们俩再也回不到从前了。。早就结束了。是这个晓琳缠着不放。。去年断绝关系时，今年选学校时，成功转进NYJC，发现他真的和彩静在一起时就该结束了。这个晓琳真的该长大了...

01:22

2007年9月2日星期日 --

好想念以前的文峰哥哥

今天在听933的龙虎榜时，听到了[迷路兵]的《适应》，让我突然想念起文峰哥哥。对啊，那个我中三喜欢上的学长，那个我总是会在名字后面积极地加上“哥哥”的文峰，那个我好喜欢，好爱的人。

刚刚他发简讯给我，说“嘿~对不起哈，你的生日party我和向往可能都没办法来诶..忙着考试呢，下次如果有机会的话再说吧”“其实我早就知道你们不能去啊，[".] 不过，礼貌上还是该邀请的。好好读书吧~你一定要考好，不要辜负大家对你的期望=)”

就这样了。。。

加油哦，文峰~我一直都会是你的天使。一直到永远，一直到我们疏远，我都不会忘记你的。我爱你...请你一定要考好，我再也不想像上次看到你的眼睛闪着忧郁的画面了。你一定要幸福。请你不要忘记我。

23:18

2007年9月1日星期六 --

Gotta go my own way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-peFf47pbY

very nice song~~~UGH can't post e youtube player thingy here!!!! UGH

sung well by:
Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Effron from [High school Musical 2]

Gabriella
I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us
doesn't seem right these days
life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan
is always rearranged

It's so hard to say
But I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok..

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
and I watch them fall everytime
Another color turns to grey
and it's just too hard to watch it all
slowly fade away

I'm leaving today 'cause I've
gotta do what's best for me
you'll be ok..

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

Troy
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

Gabriella
What about trust?

Troy
You know I never wanted to hurt you

Gabriella
And what about me?

Troy
What am I supposed to do?

Gabriella
I gotta leave but I'll miss you

Troy
I'll miss you

Gabriella
So I've got to move on and be who I am

Troy
Why do you have to go?

Gabriella
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

Troy
I'm trying to understand

Gabriella
We might find our place
in this world someday
but at least for now

Troy
I want you to stay

Gabriella
I wanna go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am

Troy
What about us?

Gabriella
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

Troy
I'm trying to understand

Gabriella
We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way

Whoo hoo the new sequel rocks man!!! when I was watching the movie, I felt teary during this part of the movie. =( when she raised the break up it was so, super sad lah! [".] haix... hahas~ e movie rocks!

went back to anderson for teachers' day... he brought her there... =.= much to my astonishment and... 那里，那校园，可是我们相识的地方。他竟然带她去。她又不是我们安德逊中学的学生。向往都不带他的女朋友回来的。是什么意思？要证明他们的感情有多么好，多么形影不离吗？文峰你到底有没有想过我的感受？

我帮你回答吧，没有，没有，没有，根本没有。

我早就没有了位置了，自从她出现后，你连打招呼都不打招呼，我对你来说是透明的。我发生什么事你也不管，不关心。什么时候我们变成这样？我那么爱的文峰哥哥消失到哪里去了？我真的好想念他。如果你看到他，请你帮我告诉他，你可以回来吗？

原来我喜欢的一直都是我记忆中的他。而这个文峰已经不见了。。

原来我等的不是我现在在TJC看到的这个文峰。

原来我花了三年等待一个回忆。

他是不是要这样继续完全不管我？

anyway, went to watch "ratatouille" with angeline, wanyi, charmaine, hweeli and linxiu. ^^ so nice~ e movie is so sweet and happy ending-ish. so sad huiyi left so early. we barely talked -.- never mind lah, on e 4th we should haf lots of tym 2geder bah.

then after that, hweeli, linxiu n i went to airport. we ate ajisen at T1... it sure brought back memories...那天文峰夹肉给我吃的食物的画面就好像是昨天发生的一样。

then we just talked... then they started talking about paranormal experiences which totally freaked me out... since it's that time of the year...

omg... so we all went back quite early... SO scary walking back home after those stories...UGH

XD

yay~~on mon night my family is going 2 a jap restaurant 2 celebrate my bdae~ ^^v

yippeee~~~

ok, i shud go do homework now

n stop MY TOTAL SLACKING!!!

Don't wana see what happened 4 prelims happen in my promos.

NOTHING MUST GO WRONG

文峰，我真的好想你

17:32