YoU weRe mY evErYtHinG...NoT anYmoRe

2005年9月6日星期二 --

It feels weird, being 15...

*****Please change your encoding to chinese to be able to read the chinese characters =)

Haha~ It's not really very weird being 15... I cried a lot today... I don't know why I'm so emotional today.. but i once thought when you grow older, you're supposed to be more sensible...there's still a maths lesson tomorrow... from 7.30 to 9.30... I have to get up early... and i've not finished mr lim's homework...I was busy with being a birthday girl the whole of yesterday... except last night after i finished writing my blog... and today, I spent most of my time reading... my sister's friend came over to our house to do their project ... though most of the time, they were just sitting down and watching the television... guess that's my fault... i was channel surfing because i was really bored... I should really get down to studying... or i'll regret it later on...

I once wondered... what would it be like to die one day... would the people around me cry over my death or will some be celebrating... I may have offended a lot of people unknowingly actually... i think they'll be jumping for joy... my family would definitely be upset...my friends... would probably be sad too... except huiyi... she said she'll open a bottle of champagne..

jokingly of course... i know she won't be so bad...what about people who don't really know me...? like maybe... my seniors whom i'm not that close to. like liyin.. she's really nice... =) she wrote me a postcard to thank me for the present i gave all the choir seniors during the farewell party... so sweet... or Jingzhi senior... he replied me ... Yesterday, i sms-ed him to tell him that it's my birthday and i have a favour to ask of him... (making sure it wasn't already 12am...) and I explained about silvia's birthday being on the 17th of september.. and asking if he could wish her happy birthday on the 16th, which is next friday... and he agreed and apologised for not replying earlier because he didn't see my messages then wishing me happy birthday... but it was actually already belated... haha~ oh well...~ another blessing... by the way, did i mention that zhi wei actually wished me happy birthday yesterday? i've not sms-ed him for ages...! mainly because he would tell audrey practically everything that i told him... and it totally got on my nerves... and he actually checked my friendster account to find that out... hm... seems like he's a very nice person... though i won't exactly be interested if i were him... but then again, i'm not him, am I? haha~ =D

Hey, I was looking for pictures of people crying and I saw this really cute website with cute thingys... they're simply adorable... i like saving pictures... =) Don't know why...haha~ wenfeng once said that "wo you bing"... which means that i'm sick... haha~yesterday, i was telling wenfeng that i've never really thanked him properly before.. and thanks for everything... and i was wishing him happiness and the usual stuff... and i was saying i'm very happy to have him as a kor... then, i said "oh my gosh... that sounded so rou ma (disgusting) i am taking back the last sentence..." and then... wenfeng replied me saying "why do u suddenly say this? (directly translated) are u alright?" ok.. this is stupid... let me type it in chinese...i am so lazy to change the language imput... haha~ “干嘛突然说这个啊？你没事吧？” erm- so i told him i was going to die...

(ok, so i exaggerated... it's not that serious yet... I won't die so soon...) and he replied me 怎么了？生病了？ that was probably the 4th time i felt like he was really my kor...

... .....

then... today, I turned on my handphone the whole day.. because i had nothing better to do... then, i heard 屋顶 playing... (my handphone ringtone) and so I went to look at who would sms me during the holidays... and I was extremely surprised to see wenfeng's message... ok, it feels weird typing wenfeng instead of 冰山or 文峰哥哥... i'll just change back to using 文峰哥哥... he hardly ever messages me first... unless it's because i gave him something or something like that... and he asked me 病好点了吗？for some weird reason,

i started crying... geesh... i'm so emotional... and then at first i sent a reply that said I don't know and i said too much last night... I sent a very long sms to him later feeling that i owed him a proper explanation. and then a joke... he replied me that he doesn't understand the joke... it wasn't even really a joke today.. so i said it was just a very lame story... and he said 看出来了... haha~ he's great at 看ing things... I told him this and he said maybe and told me to take care of myself...“大概吧，你自己多注意身体吧。 ” and i started crying again... what is WRONG with me?! oh well... and i couldn't stop...I told him that he can be a fortune teller next time and I will... and I thanked him twice... and after that, i just kept crying...and crying...until i got sick of crying myself.. and used up half the tissue box when i thought i had stopped... and i looked at the message again and started crying all over again...

... ... .... ..... ..... ..... ...... ...... ..... what is the matter with me?! ok, i shall not cry so much... ...

and i couldn't stop...

this was quite different from the last time i remember as my best record... that

was worst...那时真的哭得死去活来的。。 it was like i felt like crying and crying and crying forever but i couldn't...and i didn't try to stop the tears but they stopped themselves...(u do run out of tears sometimes) i cried for sometime before i got tired & my stomach hurt terribly... this time, i was trying to stop the tears but they wouldn't stop..

why am i talking about how i cried?! oh my.. i think i am seriously losing it...

but I realise that i was never strong to begin with... i'm so weak... ... is a sickness a blessing or is it a misfortune? i don't know...maybe it's a blessing.. at least u get to have your last wishes fulfilled... other times, you may never get to fulfil it... like in "crying out love in the centre of the world" which is“在世界中心呼唤爱”.... the girl wanted to go to the place which was considered the centre of the world... but she wasn't really going to go until she was going to die...will i be able to get my wish? haha~ don't worry, i'm not going to die that soon... but we all die sooner or later, don't we? it's just a matter of when and what u did before u died and how u died... =)

If one day i were to leave this world, I will want to do some actually, 6 things before i go...
1) thank everybody, my friends, my teachers, acquaintances, seniors for being so nice to me...or just being a part of my life...
2) say i love u to my family members because i really do and i'd really hate myself if i never got the chance to tell them something so important

3) score an A1 for A maths... (seems a bit too much to ask because if i'm sick, i can't really think and won't be able to much less do a maths)
4) I want to take a neoprint with 文峰哥哥... i know this can never be fulfilled actually... 我有自知自明。。because we won't even get to meet nowadays.. with his prelims, and then my end of year, then his o levels and he'd go back to china until next year to come back to take his results... and i have a feeling i will lose contact with him...much as i'd hate to...and he'd never agree to take a photo with only a girl... not with yating, not with me...
5) I want a blue coffin... (haha~) ok, this isn't really important lah... i'll cancel this out...oh well... i think i'll just leave it here...i'm kidding, ok? i'm not so lame... i actually kind of like white... i've crowned white as my favourite colour! =D WHITE rocks! =P
And erm- i guess that's about it... i'm easily satisfied, u see...
6) just for once, i'd like to meet 文峰哥哥outside (ok, i shall not demand too much... let's include in school... though that's not of much help) and manage to actually call him...ok... i've had enough of dreaming... these are all too good to be true...and i don't think there will ever be a day when he calls me... seems extremely impossible.. ok, let's not make my life miserable.. so many things to do before i die... haiz... 好可怜啊..！ i think i ought to cancel 4 and 6 to avoid dying unhappily... then again, i'll just leave it there...1 and 2 is the most important...

我不会那么快死的...死了就太便宜文峰哥哥了...=P每天没有人吵他...呵呵~总之，我一定会好好的照顾自己的... ...而且，我答应过只要看着那个

苹果，就会想到我在身旁替大家加油！这是我和朋友们，文峰哥哥的约定...

大家说我像一只波斯猫~I am a

persian cat~ cats have 9 lives...~=D 9 lives! 九条命哦~=）

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