YoU weRe mY evErYtHinG...NoT anYmoRe

2006年5月21日星期日 --

I feel so numb... n helpless...

I feel like i'm leading a pointless life... aimlessly... I dont really know how to describe it... but it's like everything i do seems to have no meaning... studying... doing homework.... You know, for once, i wanted to study.... but then, i realised that there is homework for this weekend after asking linxiu. & well... Yar... chem past year paper part 2. N guess what? i left it in class! wow... & den she said that there's E maths homework... So, i din copy... i asked her for the question n page number. then, i started looking for my E maths textbook. that's when i realised that once again, i've left it in class ALSO...

so, i havent done a single homework... unfortunately...

(".)

darnit...

well, fine...heaven knows why i'm so forgetful. I mean... hello! finally! FINALLY I actually WANT to do homework...

& so... I didnt know what to do... mum just bought my Higher Chinese 4B textbook. yes, our class is THAT slow... we have just barely finished the A book... pathetic, right?

anyway, after a boring and sian physics tuition lesson, i went home. still havent collected linxiu's birthday present... darn them lah! so damn slow...

i hope i won't give her late... i dont really like giving belated gifts... unless i really cant help it...

& den i listened to 100.30... been out of touch with new songs recently... SIAN

after lunch, I got this very insane thought and started to do my zuo ye with the intention of finishing the whole book by today... god, i must be crazy...

then i realised that i seem to owe mr chye maths homework... & thankfully, i have my A maths textbook with me.. (for once..) & i was dragging my feet to do it...

so i went to eat mochi... & my brother was done with the compt so here I am blogging...

haiZ... i spent half of yesterday at NJ and most of the other half sleeping and a bit of it watching tv... why do i always waste my saturdays away?!

aaaaarrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh........ ......

linxiu was telling me that at least i have motivation... erR i wont call that motivation... since i was crying like hell for practically the whole day before the first paper of our term 2 CA... duNo. just feel so helpless and lost all hopes, thinking that no matter how hard i work, nothing will come out of it...which is like, so wrong. & as i think back, i think it's stupid. n how on earth did i ever convince myself that it's true and spend so much time brooding over it instead of studying?! anyway, this term's results prove that results will improve. ok, like that isn't obvious... i sound so dumb... but yar, what can u expect when u got 14 and as if it wasn't bad enough, during the start of your most important year, u got a SHOCKING 28... (which is exactly twice of ur pathetic 14) how demoralising can it get...?

Now i really dont know which is better, no stress or stress... at least for me, no stress appears to be better... I remember how upset and depressed i was in term 1. & extremely stressed up. can u imagine u r bad in so many subjects and u keep telling yourself, "I have to get 7 points... anything more than 7 and i wont be able to get into RJC" GOD, how on earth is that thought motivating...?

so, i beg to differ with regards to linxiu saying i have motivation like it's something really really great when in fact all it's ever done is just make me feel a hundred times worse...& perform doubly bad...

really really had enough...

So, now i shall just try to numb myself... oh wait, i m already numb. i'm like a walking corpse... now, i shall just bury myself in books, books, test papers, test papers, homework, homework, revision n more revision...

because the 6th month makes all the difference in the world. it's the month people like me... make the quantum leap from 20 plus to 6,7,8.... wouldnt it be ideal if i could actually get better marks than wenfeng? muhaha~

ok, fine... i'm like, dreaming... at least dreams dont give me stress... (".) but anyway, since we made a bet... I will still try my best to get 7 lah.. (which seems impossible) but yar... a bet is a bet...

at least let me get a 10, right? *prays fervently*

ok, i shall stop doing pointless stuff... praying wont get me a 7... studying will...

aiyar.. what should i do about the homework?! aaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh....

irritating. how e hell can someone be so forgetful n stupid like me...?!

bad mood... haiZ

anyway, i like this song by rainie. "Zuo bian"

总是忍不住寂寞掉下眼泪你才会给安慰担心短暂的晴天随时都可能被阴霾收回等待有机会最坏也最甜美我乐观却疲惫因为太怕失去你所以连快乐里都装满伤悲

你不曾发觉你总是用右手牵着我但是心却跳动在左边你和我之间的遥远永远隔着亲切爱少的可怜伸出右手想陪着你向前走感受你爱我的心跳在左边那么深深爱你的我想信你会了解

what a sad song... =(

总在埋怨过你的冷漠之后又急着说抱歉彷佛向疏远的你乞求一点体贴都是我不对结果有可能最美也最可悲我做好了准备也许太自由的你心里面那个家谁也不能回

我一直相信总有一天你会用左手牵着我走向明天未来很遥远却会实现心在同一边就能够听见你说的那句我爱你

你不曾发觉你总是用右手牵着我但是心却跳动在左边你和我之间的遥远永远隔着亲切爱少的可怜伸出右手想陪着你向前走感受你爱我的心跳在左边那么深深爱你的我你一定看的见

haIz...

15:43