YoU weRe mY evErYtHinG...NoT anYmoRe

2006年5月12日星期五 --

Speech day '06

actually, speech day isn't of much significance to me... i mean, i've been performing like, for 3 years (if u don't count this year) because of choir.... and seriously speaking, i've never felt more nervous before a choir performance...

it's so ironic. i've been performing countless times already. n yet, yesterday was the first time i was so nervous and well, afraid...(".) haix...so WEIRD

anyway, yesterday i broke down after chemistry lesson... because i was feeling like a good for nothing what with choir like that (u know, all terrible and messed up) and being so terrible at chem... (doing alcohol and carboxylic acid worksheet) and not sleeping the previous day, only for 1 pathetic hr to finish up the 10 geog essays....

i couldn't stand it any longer. i was so tired and sick of it.. i mean, i've been enjoying choir practices no doubt but that day, it was the geog essays and the insufficient rest that got to me.

after crying, i felt much better and relieved. then, i dashed to amk central to buy clogged shoes... because mine are so torn and tattered (really torn and tattered) that they cannot even be worn, espcially not for a performance. had lunch, wanton noodles in a hurry. then dashed back home to take a shower... i really cannot stand not bathing for one whole day...*shudders*

anyway, the only happy thought driving me for the whole day was "Wenfeng IS COMING BACK!!!"

haha~

ok, i do realise that i sound stupid.... oh, who cares?!

.... =D

yay!

and for some reason, when i emerged from the shower, i started to feel a stomachache. i think it must be because i ate too fast. so... i spent quite some time lying down on the bed and telling myself that i HAVE TO go to choir and MUST GO for the performance today....!

....

n so, i did... without tying my hair. when i emerged from my mum's car with like, 2 plastic bags in hand, hair uncombed, dripping wet and untied, and shoes not worn properly and without socks, the security guard stared blankly at me but said nothing. i just ran to the music room and everybody turned around to stare at me. they were already doing warm-ups.... so, i just grabbed a hair clip and tied up my hair any old how...

miss lim came. practice was terrible.

haiX

i dun wana talk abt it.

then, i decided to stay in the music room for the 3 hours. chewyan stayed too. diana went home after watching some stupid videos. ok, fine. they're not stupid, some are quite cool actually. anyway, diana lost her voice. haha~ poor thing.

so, she abandoned me!

*sniffs*

haIx...

anyway, i couldn't wait for night time. later, we took our dinner packet and went to the stairs to eat. chewyan said we could not be seen. it was nasi lemak, but so much better than the previous years! because this time there's egg and a drumlet! =D yum yum..

though there was chilli. and i DONT TAKE chilli.

...

haIx

but the ex-pupils were streaming in and i was looking out for him but to no avail. anyway, he told me that he will end lessons at 4.30pm the previous night. so, he said that he will call me when it ends. it's impossible to get it from me before it starts. TJC is like, so far....

then, fanny sms-ed me to get e choir concert ticket from me. and i had only brought wenfeng's ticket today. so, i ran to the music room and saw the guys eating on the stairs outside and asked who brought their choir ticket. i got vernon's 1 ticket and gave it to fanny. i am to return vernon 1 ticket tomorrow. i saw agnes. and she was feeling very troubled because when she saw me earlier on in the music room, i was somewhat quite cold compared to what i would do in the past (start screaming and hug her) and she said that she came back hoping to see my cheerful face. and I was at a loss for words. she asked if it's because of my boyfriend or something. and i was saying that it wasn't it. then, i said that i really had to go and finish up my dinner so i left it as it was. i don't know if i really upset agnes. sorry, agnes! =(

i should have been smiling and beaming all day, isn't it?

i was probably tired... or...is it because i've yet to see him yet?

so, after eating, we went back in and watched this japanese animated movie. it was nice! i like the couple~ the guy is so sweet. *sighs*

then we went up to perform. and when we were backstage, i was feeling very upset that it was my last speech day. i mean, in anderson, at least... i really think i'll miss choir, all the good times and even the bad times. did i mention that i was feeling butterflies in my stomach? i reckon i have.

when the curtains opened slowly, i dared not look at the audience at all. my eyes were all on yu kang, who conducted well... i thought that the song was quite bad. hAiX

then we went for the ending thingy. and i in the 2nd row, being blocked by vernon. haha~

we went back the the music room for breifing. i gave the cake that hweeli and Li huiyi passed to me and ann to Ann. because i wasn't really in the mood for food. we took a group photo for the whole choir. it was great. but i was half squatting and dying. because we took a very long time to adjust and all that. then, i got ready to leave to meet huiyi, linxiu and all (she wants to go out and talk) and of course, i knew that i hadn't met wenfeng yet. i just finished wearing my shoes and was about to call him when he called me.

i don't know. i think i'm supposed to be excited and all... but... at the same time, i was at a loss...chewyan had left already and i felt very intimidated at having to go meet him alone. so WeIrD... shouldn't i be happy to see him? (".)

n i think it was the choir! they were so noisy. so i couldn't hear him and ended up shouting in the phone "huh? what?" in chinese. and he hung up and called me again. i walked away from the music room and i could finally hear properly. he asked me where i was and i asked him where he was n i'd go and find him. he said he's in the carpark and i told him i was in the quadrangle. i told him i would come to look for him. he said he would wait for me in the carpark and said see me later. we hung up and i went down to the main stairs and looked around.

to see.... a lot of people but i don't see any sign of him.

-.-"

deng

then, i saw bryan! my son! we chatted for a while, i went further away from everybody and looked around again. still no sign of him.

so, i took out my hp to call him and i couldn't get anything. I turned about again and saw a somewhat familiar figure walking towards me. And erm- I chose to pretend that i hadn't seen it and continued calling, deliberately turning to face the other side.

he called me "mei" and i turned around only when he did so and hung up. after that, i couldn't stop smiling... so i gave him the ticket in a hurry, he was telling me not to rush, and we started chatting

hm... about what?

everything. though for 1 second, there was a silence after he got the ticket from me. then he asked me first how's Anderson? I asked how he was doing in TJC and his rubbishy lie about wearing TJC uniform today just for fun and that he was going back to china after speech day. i asked him what about teacher's day. he said he was going to see if he was free that day then he'd fly back if the air fares were cheap. i said that china is not having a holiday during our teacher's day. he was saying, oh, studying is nothing compared to flying back...

HaIz... he hasn't changed on that one.

N he looks somewhat taller. his uniform is green, everything else is basically the same as the anderson uniform. I think he's either stopped wearing spectacles completely, or changed to wearing contacts or just doesn't like to wear spectacles except when he's writing or studying.

and so, i asked how we sang.n he was saying that it wasn't very clear. and he couldn't hear the guys. i was like, 'huh?!' and he was joking that he regret agreeing to go for the concert and I was like '喂！你什么意思啊？！' n he reassured me that he will definitely come to watch. i didn't really believe him. and he was telling me that he will call me or i can call him during the concert and if we hear singing, it means that he is there in the concert hall... I pointed out that i'd be singing when the choir is singing, so he cant call me n i cant call him. and he asked that if there's a chop to verify that the ticket has been used, i can check it to prove that he was there. and i said that 'i don't think so.' and he said, 'oh, that's so sad.'

'什么嘛？！' and he was laughing at my reaction, so later he promised me that he would go. definitely. Then i asked if he came back alone today. He said he came back with some others and they were eating at the coffee shop opposite. I was like, 'you havent had dinner?!' he was saying that his school ended at 4.30 so he rushed here instantly after it ended. I was rather shocked that he hadn't had dinner. I asked if i was 耽误ing him. and he said, 一点也不会. we were still chatting when i saw ... 向往coming towards us. at least, i sort of saw.

aiyo, it's so dark. i wasn't even sure if it was really him. *angelic smile, halo gleams brightly on head*

OK, fine. i knew it was him. and he was ... calling wenfeng

....

what was i supposed to do?

he called once, twice, thrice, the fourth...

and i continued talking to wenfeng even though i could see perfectly well that 向往was using all his energy to call wenfeng. wenfeng's back was towards 向往by the way, he was 沉浸ing in our conversation and oblivious to 向往's calling. *muhahaha~*

ok, fine, i'm being happy for no reason. but yar, obviously he doesn't hate talking to me, because if someone had called him when he is talking to someone he hates talking to, he'd immediately respond and leave.

fine, i'm sure a terrible person, 装聋作哑ing...

....

hahaha~

but yar, what did u expect me to do?

i knew the moment wenfeng responded he would have to go. And.... i have so many things to say to him that i have yet to!

however, 向往came to us, walking through the gap between the teacher's cars. and was right beside wenfeng already and directly opposite me.

along with some PRC scholars of my batch (they were in anderson uniform) i didn't really pay much attention to them... and who they were. (didn't really care)

but 向往was sort of looking at me and i was looking at him with a look that said 'why can't you like, disappear?' before he said to wenfeng in sichuan language, (i could sort of figure out what he was saying) that he had been calling wenfeng for 3, 4 times already and yet wenfeng was still talking to this person. i don't think i heard anything that sounded like 'younger sister.'

.....

I HATE 向往!!! he had to pick, like of all times, to like, barge into our conversation. can't he and the rest like, just go away? i mean, go and eat first lah. wenfeng can join you later, right? it's not like you don't get to see him for a very long time. erR... ok, 向往is in VJC so they live in different hostels. but HELLO! they can like, arrange to meet outside, right?! i CANNOT LEH!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

darn him, darn him, darn HIM!

i hardly ever get to see wenfeng or talk to him face to face. and for once, i was seeing him and i had so many things to tell him and there was so many thing to talk about!

i will never forgive 向往....i will remember him forever. Ruiner!

humph!

wenfeng looked slightly apologetic though he didn't apologise. 向往was saying, 走了。as though he couldn't wait to see wenfeng get away from me.

i wasn't stupid. I could tell he wished i would disappear so they all can leave together. what is HIS problem?! anyway, so, i stopped smiling and i was like, back to all the previous times when we were together. I went quiet and talked very little.

isn't it obvious i'm disappointed?! GOD... anyway, the scholars from my batch were now staring at me. as though i'm some convict.

GEESH! so, i was like, 呃，你走吧

wenfeng was quite nice, he was saying, 我去吃饭咯？in a questioning tone. and i said, 哦。after i said 'oh', i was leaving in the other direction, because i couldn't stand it any longer. wenfeng turned to leave with 向往and the scholars but later, he suddenly turned back so that he can see me and called out to me, 妹，拜拜！I shouted bye to him. as i watched him leave, i don't know what came over me. i shouted out, 喂！你一定要去哦~我不管！

and it was really loud. i knew that everybody was now staring at me. Wenfeng, 向往and the PRC scholars turned around to look at me. wenfeng waved to me and then, they left, crossing the road to the coffee shop opposite.

so, i heard to the Cc and met linxiu, li huiyi and huiyi there. huiyi wanted to go to k-box. up to 1am. mum came with the 2 of us. the rest had to go home. mum paid for all three of us. and i never knew that mum was actually good in singing. she could reach notes higher than i could reach. huiyi was filled with awe for her and she said that if only her mum was like tat and would come to k-box with her.

I love my mummy!

haha!

(".)

so, as we were going towards the car after a fun night, i fell down. OUCH....

*sobs*

then, mum drove huiyi home before we went home. i bathed and went to sleep. my wounds were mainly abrasions on my knee. mainly my left knee. and it hurt. i would rather it bleed, seriously. i have a huge blue-black on my left knee YUCKS

anyway, tomorrow after choir, i'm going to an interview. 20 students are going. it's for the career's essay. to try out your dream job. they are selecting 6 people. i really wana get in! i wrote that i want to be a singer. so... yar. wish me luck!　=D

i'm so excited!!!

really hope i get selected...

anyway, i HATE, DETEST n LOATHE 向往。。。

HUMPH!!

i don't think i can get any chance to talk to wenfeng during the concert day.

SIGHS

i have to wait till teachers' day. and even then i cant talk much to him anyway.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

it's all 向往's fault. of all times! of ALL times!

14:08