YoU weRe mY evErYtHinG...NoT anYmoRe

2007年4月26日星期四 --

unwell

it's the afternoon, really early. & I am here at home, blogging...didn't go to school today. I have gastric pain, headache and sore throat. felt really terrible.

went to see a doctor just now, then slept for quite some time before mum woke me to eat porridge. haix...plain and unappealing porridge. and for now, I'm on medication. I don't like to take medicine but yar... =( I think I'm destroying my own body by not eating at regular times.

I've not been taking breakfast, I skip lunch a lot lately, and I sometimes skip dinner too. at times when I do eat, it's at really weird times. eg: lunch at 4pm, dinner at 9pm

anyway, UGH I'm missing chinese drama today. UGH then I won't know what to move on for the third play! UGH!

i m also missing a maths test. aka... I need to do it tomorrow. UGH friday is supposed to be a slack day. =.= eeeewwww. I'd rather fail and get it over with.

anyway, did I ever mention? I tend to fall sick whenever I'm sad. This seems like one of those cases.

yesterday during chinese drama, I found out that he had a girlfriend when they were in RJ...maybe I am making a big fuss out of nothing since they are not together now and it was some time ago. It's just... I really want to know... what type of girl she is...

she must be really chio, since he mentioned it's the most important criteria. & she must be really gentle, unlike me...she must be smart, since she can get into RJ. whilst I got... 28 for prelims. is she a prc scholar too? unlike me

I don't know why I should even bother. It's not like I am anyone to him...Maybe I can just die and he will be totally unaffected.

well, yesteday chinese drama started late, at 3.30 like that... it was in the audi.the 1st play was having technical rehearsal. I went to sit on the left side of the audi stairs near my seat and was copying the layout of the left side of the stage for the 2nd play (the one i am in charge of) using paper and pencil and then he came down from the stage and he stood in front of me. I was like... huh? then he suddenly opened his mouth and talked to me. he asked 你不用搬道具啊？and I was like, 啊？actually I heard... I was just appalled that he spoke to me. he repeated his question. I replied, 我是做第二部剧的. then I couldn't control myself so I blurted out 奇怪，你怎么会跟我说话？ then he was like... huh? he said 我为什么不能够跟你说话？and i said this dumb answer 你不是不认识我吗？i meant it as in he never responds whenever I say hi to him or anything along the corridors. he shook his head and went to sit at the centre area of the auditorium. I was like... diao...=.=

then when it ended, I was carrying chairs out of the audi to the canteen. then he was talking to the guy behind me, ( who was also carrying chairs) asking about where they wanted to eat for dinner, go back to hostel or the shop opposite. then he went to the washroom to get rid of the make up. speaking of his make-up... *tries hard not to laugh* *can't stand it* HAHA, omg, it's really thick lorh! I think the people from the make up crew hate him. XD joking.... but when the stage light shines it's not very obvious...

& i asked his friend if they were on very good terms. and he said of course. So I asked him if he has a girlfriend. that's when I found out he had ...

I know he lied to me when he told me he wants to concentrate on studies and doesn't want a girlfriend back then. but knowing that he lied because he did have a girlfriend after he told me that is...really...

maybe that was why he was so upset n crushed when he got back his o's. because they'd be separated...? I have never seen him upset. and that was really the only time...

coincidentally, it was pouring when this happened. I was extremely affected. his friend asked why I wanted to know and i said 'no reason.' I went back to the audi really fast after putting the chairs back and I was really trying hard not to cry. then I checked that there was not anything more to move. I went down the stage and he came in at that exact time. I looked away, at the wall very determinedly because there were tears in my eyes. he just walked past me and replied a senior's question about the make-up.

I grabbed my bag and left in the heavy rain...

I opened my umbrella but I mainly covered my file... I was drenched. but I couldn't really care much. took a cab. then after bathing and dinner, I fell asleep after crying. so... then I woke up sick today. yay *dripping with sarcasm*

I don't see why he would lie. & I don't see what right I have to be upset.

& I can't believe I am sick because I am sad because of him.

whatever happened to not shedding a tear over him ever again...omg why am I in tj...

I can't imagine how to face him tomorrow.

13:01