YoU weRe mY evErYtHinG...NoT anYmoRe

2008年1月22日星期二 --

Haix

2dae got care group, but I missed it. went 4 lyk, barely 20 minutes. They had it in e stage 2dae, instead of outside e chamber room. Den, CY, Xian Jue & I objected at 1st. My reason 4 objecting is that yes, I know God is everywhere, but I have problems worhshipping Him in our stage area. 1st, it's noisy. 2nd, it's awkward. 3rd, what about the people around who walk past etc? 4th, I can't concentrate like that. I find that place very distracting. But I din get how it feels like lahs, coz I left halfway through Sheppie's game. E game she organised is cute ^^ Was quite fun ~

I'm super uber sad that I'll be missing care group & service this week. Is like... NO!!! *rain pours & drenches Chloe completely* T.T sobs sobs! T.T I LUV SERVICE! T.T SO SAD T.T

Hon asked if I wana go City Harvest Church this saturday. Coz her uncle says that this saturday's pastor is really a very good 1. So I was lyk... really tempted. but then it starts at 5pm. =.= I duno wad tym my camp end. It starts in e morning, I think will stretch to 5. Shud I go join CG 4 dinner? O.o but at bedok lehs! How will I be able 2 make it there in tym? I think I reach already everyone go liaos .___. then I'll be lyk... OH MY SKY I'm alone T.T sobs sobs. So shud I go wif Honey? O.o But is damn saddening not being able 2 worship Him with others. Hon was saying, but u can worship Him at home too! I was lyk... ERR- R u insane? 1- My parents duno yet. 2-My siblings oso duno yet. 3- Is different worshipping Him alone & worshipping Him with others 4- I m easily distracted unless I'm in e right atmosphere. (Hahas~ I remember got 1 time I was trying to do that! But yah... I got distracted) T.T I need service! It's lyk.. my energiser battery charger! [".] If not quite hard 2 be genuinely happy throughout e week liaos T.T

2dae my happy battery ran out. Got quite irritated at e smallest of things. But I was so happy tat Sheppie rote postcards 4 me 2! we r lyk, so linked. as in, great minds think alike! WAHOO ^^ But yah.... after my lessons, I slept in econs lect (Since e start of this year {Which I decided 2 turn over a new leaf} I've not slept in econs lect since lyk, last year until 2dae lorhs! ) So I was so depressed. T.T then I slept a bit in maths tutorial also. OH MY SKY! Chloe, what is wrong with u?! So I got upset wif myself. T.T But then Oh my, Sijie was such a gem plz! Luv her so much!!! x) Haix, what will I do without her? After toking 2 her & observing her blow bubbles in her soya bean drink (she claims it's therapeutic -.-) I was so cheerful & recharged again. Thank God 4 Sijie. She never fails 2 brighten up my day. aaawwww, what will I do wifout her!!! T.T If she realli goes to hell, I will be distraught! NO, I will pull & refuse 2 let her be sucked inside hell. but yah [."] I'm growing not as fast as I'd lyk 2. I guess 1 of e main reasons is tat e qns I wana ask I nvr really take note & find tym 2 ask. Instead, I ask myself, I duno, then 4get about it. wrong attitude plz! I duno how 2 make ppl believe wifout tellin em 2 much about myself.

I was reading Sheppie's 2nd postcard 2 me 2dae. She gave 2. She bought my favourite seaweed 4 me!!! OH MY SKY, I shud haf bought waffles 4 her. coz I bought her mentos.__. y lidat 1?! Oh well, I was so uber contented eating e seaweed. I can feel e luv from my sheppie! LOLS!! x) So happy can! I was eating & sayin, I'm in heaven! hahas~ I'm quite easily contented. I luv seaweed so much! It's e only snack / titbit/ junk food I lyk. I dun eat twisties, cheezels, pringles etc etc. No appeal whatsoever. Waffles haf no appeal 2 me either. Sheppie lyks peanut butter wif strawberry. I personally think it's heaty. eat too much will get sore throat or sumthing [".] Hope Sheppie got drink more water when she consumes that heaty food. Yah, anyway, I side track so much! I was feeling quite guilty 4 keeping secrets when reading e postcard.

I think everyone has their reasons for not telling stuff. I need more tym I guess. Mine is lyk... I dun wan 2 open up becoz I dun wana be hurt again by re-addressing the issue. so yah -.- I avoid talking about it. Or I pretend it's nothing or lie. (of course I repent after that lahs) sian =.= NO! I dun wana be lyk Den! T.T I dun wana make ppl worry about me, & wana get 2 noe me but I push them away in response! But yah... I'm still not 100% over it. & I wun pretend tat I m. I pray that God will enlighten me someday. How I will get over it.__. & coz e wound hasnt healed, even sharing about e xperience brings back very raw & terrible emotions & vivid memories. About 1 day after I converted, I deleted everything. I prayed that as I delete them, God will gif me e strength 2 4get everything, 2 start life anew, 2 be a completely new person, who's stronger, happier & blissful. & 2dae I realised wif a pang that I haven't been able to do that. O levels results r released on thursday. What about A levels?

I wonder how he's doing... I hope he's happy & contented. [".] Hope he will do well for his A's. & if he doesn't, I think it'll mainly becoz he's too crazily in luv 2 care about his studies. As I write to here, e thought that automatically cums 2 my mind is. If that's e case, serves him right. OH MY SKY! -.- CHLOE! How can u be like this?! =.= so wrong, can?! Ok lahs, to tell u e truth, I din mean it from e bottom of my heart. I really do want him to be happy & lead a great life. I don't know if I want to see him during A levels results release, actually. Maybe, maybe not. I want to know how he's doing. Coz we just lost contact like that. It's kinda sad actually. Although he was a sucky godbrother, I still enjoyed crapping wif him at tyms. However, I don't want to know. I don't want to think about these stuff anymore.

I'm just so tired & tired of these type of stuff that I really want to just become a nun or something. Then I don't have to care about this type of love. I'm gona exclude it from my life. sighs... =( I've already found the love of my life anyway, my Father, my Lord, my God. ^^ LOLS like that oso can count wad~~~

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