YoU weRe mY evErYtHinG...NoT anYmoRe

2008年1月23日星期三 --

Sian of work

Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

I'm so tired & drained!!! T.T Sighs...[".] 2dae I was being quite cold 2 everyone, even to Hon. Hon was asking me what was wrong with me. I was lyk... -.- ERR- I duno?? O.o I was telling her that I need something to calm myself. But after that I was still freaking out. I passed Sheppie postcards 2dae. Got resident evil!!! She claims e lead character is chio, much to CY's objections. [".] LOLS, I'm neutral. ^^ So yah... I suppose I accounted a bit 2 her. She told CY that she hopes her sheep can account 2 her. Although my accounting wasn't really lyk really coming clean wif everything. But at least I made an effort to say something.__. I need tym lahs. [".] But I think tat was e most depressing postcard/letter I've written 2 Sheppie. Hope she's not shocked by my sudden emo-ness (I know is angst! Dun lyk e word angst x_x)

Something has been weighing on my mind. It was something CY said yesterday b4 care group started. I know he meant it as a joke. But yah... I've been thinking about it constantly. I'm really really bugged by it. I suppose that doesn't contribute to my lethargy & unhappiness 2dae. I know I shouldn't be bugged by something as trivial as this. But I can't stop thinking about it! haix... ... CHLOE! Don't harp on it anymore! -.-

Hahas, easier said than done.

I slept during civics & contact time. I know! I'm lyk, super terrible. But yah... I duno wad 2 do in e future. I haf no aim in life. I know that's really really bad .___. coz we r supposed 2 plan!! I luv plannin 4 other stuff. But plannin 4 my future doesnt cum under tat section. OK, A levels r around e corner. & chloe, what haf u been doing? ErR- let's see. Slacking, slacking & more slacking? Is really not I dun wana do. I lack e self-discipline. T.T SAD but true. To me, my priorities in life are all wrong!! 1) God & learning how to walk with Him. PLUS family + friends PLUS responsibilities (YAH I NOE it's wrong! God is supposed 2 be 1st & only God is supposed 2 be 1st) 2) Sleeping 3) Homework WRONG LIAOS! *buzzer sound* strike 3! Chloe, u're out!!! *Chloe leaves in dejection* Kay lahs, I will learn 2 be more self-disciplined.

Got so much work.__. UGH! But I dun feel lyk doing. Need 2 rite a research paper 4 CSC. I'm lyk, totally clueless & dejected after my 5 topics sort of got pushed away n rejected by my teacher. Ok, I shan't complain. Treat it as a learning experience. T.T

I was looking at my timetable coz Sheppie went 2 photocopy my tymtable. (looking 4 slots 4 shepherding I suppose) & I realised that my schedule is quite packed. Monday: tuition (tuition is either monday or thursday, depending on mood) 6.30- 9.30. Yes, 3 hours of econs = can die. End at 3. Tuition at bishan. Time 2 travel to bishan from school: 1 hour plus. Decided I shall make use of spare tym not juz 2 haf dinner, but 2 actually do some work!!! -.- Or get sum sleep.(lyk last week when I slept in e library) but then there's e danger of waking up too late & wasting $$. Tuesday & Saturdays r actually my fav days of e week! Coz gotm worship! YAY! *fireworks blast* wednesday & fridays r pdp days. I wonder how people manage their time! I'm so terrible at it! I suppose 1 reason is I blog 2 much. but actuali e reason I blog is 2 release my thoughts & emotions. If I dun blog, I might explode. (yah, I noe, this is e result of keeping 2 urself & being guarded against people) Or I wait 4 my fren on msn. Coz I tell Hweeli everything. E 2nd reason is, I sleep too much! Can u imagine?! Sleeping during contact time when I was right at e centre 1st row in the auditorium?

But actually, it's possible to juggle tym better. It's whether u believe u can do it anot. Hahas, I don't think I will eva not sleep. Coz I'm always tired! (maybe except during service) YAY 4 service & YAY for God! x) lols? [".] I can't imagine when our chinese drama play starts rehearsing officially. Can die staying back all e tym. T.T This is y I dun wana be director... T.T I know this e millionth tym I'm saying this. But I really wana be actress. T.T nvm. What to do? God ask me 2 be director, what can I do other than agree?

Anyway, Kendrick is a christian! & his family did not pull out his life support! I'm so happy 4 him!! I was so sad after I got CY's sms telling me about him. So poor thing! He's so young. I wonder if God will really work miracles on him. [".] I prayed for him a couple of times after I got CY's sms. Am glad 4 him. Thank God.

Today I was reading e bible. I really want to finish e whole book before June holidays. But... .... I duno what to say. I can't read it at home. Coz every single second some1 will pop in2 my room. Be it my sis/ bro/ mum/ dad, all also cannot show. So is lyk -.- I've devised a method of reading it on e train. But then...!!!! It's terrible. Coz we r supposed to haf quiet time whilst we ponder about His Word! How 2 haf quiet tym when e train is so noisy!!! =.= faints!!! So I duno how liaos.

But I was reading it on e train anyway. Finally finished John today! Yes, I know I'm really slow. Coz I get a little bored sticking to 1 book, so I skip to another 1 4 e fun of it. Yes, I know I'm really silly. -.- I was so sad coz I read how the people didn't believe Jesus. & I teared when I read till e part about Jesus telling his disciples about His death & later how He died. (I already knew e summaried version from Hon, coz City Harvest Church's drama acted it out but reading it from His Word is really different) I was lyk... Oh my sky... T.T sobs sobs. Gosh. Although I've never ever thought that God doesn't exist since young, (I just knew He was out there. Which explains why I always pray, even though I wasn't christian) I never knew the extent of His love, nor the extent of Jesus' love for us. Ugh, I don't think I'll ever be able to love someone like how our Father or our Lord does. E extent of their love for us really really touched me.

OK, I shall stop asking God 4 every single little thing. I want to work hard 4 em!!! ^^V Sheppie told me b4, no matter is too small for Him. Coz He really loves us. Whee~ I feel so loved! x) Hahas, & I feel happier just thinking about it. & I'm listening to e songs Sheppie gave me through transferring from her thumbdrive. I feel better! ^^ Haix, He really gives people strength.=)

okie, enough liaos!!! I shall go & do work!!!

Hahas, thank u Lord, for making me feel better. YAY! xD Now I can be cheerful again. xP

I was just reflecting when it struck me that I haven't been praying alot these 2 days. NO! Terrible!! Cannot lidat!! o.O OK, shall make a mental note 2 tok 2 Him more. I luv my Father! ^^

chloe, u r so long-winded! Shoo shoo, go do ur work.

Chloe: -.- ok lorhs~

ciao~~~ ^^

19:56