YoU weRe mY evErYtHinG...NoT anYmoRe

2008年2月27日星期三 --

Lord, I can't thank You enough (:

Lord, I offer my life to You... Please guide me as to what I am to do...

Although I was unhappy & lost, I know You will guide me through everything (: Daddy I love You~ x)

2dae we tried to do a poem comparison in lit tutorial. Amal chose the poems. It's in our poem comparison booklet. page 20.

Renouncement by Alice Meynell & It may not always be so by E.e. Cummings.

It was e 2nd poem that we talked a lot on.

Mrs Lofthouse started to weep. Then Siti started crying & went to the washroom until she felt better and came back. I started crying after hearing some of the parts of the discussion...

It may not always be so - by e.e.cummings

it may not always be so; and i say
that if your lips, which I have loved, should touch
another's, and your dear strong fingers clutch
his heart, as mine in time not far away;
if on another's face your sweet hair lay
in such a silence as i know, or such
great writhing words as, uttering overmuch,
stand helplessly before the spirit at bay;
if this should be, i say if this should be -
you of my heart, send me a little word;
that i may go unto him, and take his hands,
saying, Accept all happiness from me.
Then shall i turn my face, and hear one bird
sing terribly afar in the lost lands

----end----

It was actually ok when I analysed it on my own. It didn't strike me or anything. It was just... a poem. a normal poem I'm doing for PC.

Then... we started discussing. & soon, it just struck me when mrs lofthouse started getting emotional. She said that love was lyk a hypothesis, it may not always be so. You know that even if you've been together for so long, that you have a possibility of being separated. Of the person leaving.

Words are our weapons that we use to arm ourselves against others, but they are futile weapons of defence. When one is in love, we are really vulnerable.

Then we came to the sacrificial nature of the poem. Tim said that love seems to haunt. That even when you try to leave, you will continue hearing her joyful singing in the faraway lands as she's in love. & even though you turn your face, it still follows you. Everything is just... gone. You are left all alone.

Siti started crying & she asked to leave the classroom. Then a movie clip just played in my mind...& I just cried when I really couldn't take it... when I heard Tim say that love comes back to haunt. & then it just really struck me.

Because early in the morning as I was going to school, I was thinking...

& then we were debating if it was sacrificial. Tim was arguing that he had no choice. So he didn't really see the sacrificial parts. Shaun agreed. But the girls and Mrs Lofthouse didn't think so. I agree with the girls. Maybe it's just... something most girls would agree with. This persona is magnaminous, generous. It's the ultimate in love... letting go.

After lit tutorial, siti was still feeling upset. She was still crying as she talked to xiu. My heart just ached for her. I hugged her & just didn't say anything. At that moment, I felt the tears just well up in my eyes...

Yet beyond those tears that I shed today because of that poem, I know that Daddy's love is not built on a hypothesis like the love of man. He is always there. He never leaves our side. He's always there to comfort, to carry my burdens, to just be my listening ear, that shoulder to lean on, the one to take away my unbearable pain. (: God, You are really an awesome Daddy ^^

& no words can describe how glad I am to have found my way back to You.

(: Lord, You are so great ^^

With Daddy on my side, it's really much better (:

Yeah, it does haunt. You try to forget. You think you have succeeded. then...something just has to happen. & you are just naturally reminded about it...

But then... God really helps. Talking to Him... just takes most of the pain away. x) YAY! No1 else that I talk to will be able to give as much comfort as He gives~

God, was it really Your answer to my question?

It doesn't matter coz... I just know You will make a way.

2dae in civics we made hearts for each other & rote words of affirmation. Hon ignored me 4 a while 2dae. Coz I was sort of avoiding people (very very indiscreetly) becoz I wasnt really in a very gd mood. I've become quite short-tempered over the last 2 days. for some hormonal reasons. LOLS x) but we made up & we rote 2 each other. Hon rote such touching stuff that it nearly made me tear. She told me that she loved me but she had no idea how else to show her appreciation for me. I told her how much I treasured her, even though I didn't show it. She's e 1st one I turn to when in trouble. Or when something happy happens. Then followed by Sijie. Actually it depends who I meet first. LOLS x) Actually, I think that was e past. Now... I think... God has risen up from last on the list (I used to only tell Him stuff when I was really in dire need of help) to first. I'm so happy that He is slowly becoming my number 1, even above my friends... This is the way it should be. Becoz His love is really the best thing that ever happened to me.

God, Thank You. I really can't thank You enough. Let's just say... I thank You for everything (: You are truly 100% the best Daddy in the whole universe!!! =)

19:16