well... 3 mre days of lessons in yjc b4 posting results r released...
Well...3 more days...only now does the feeling of going to a jc start to kick in. I don't mean to say that the 1st term doesn't feel like jc. just that... it's definitely not the speed they will be going for the next 1 and a half years. the pace is just much slower than it is supposed to be. HAIX
shall STRUGGLE
STRUGGLE thrgh jc!!
=.=
gosh, i think i'm going bonkers.
so, i've crashed nyjc for 2 days. & I'm really sad because nyjc is so darn near my house and my mum will drive me there and back if i go there. & unfortunately, it's my 3rd choice. so when i appeal...i will not get in. =.= I actually thought there would be a slight chance that I won't get into tjc. then I would naturally not be able to get into vjc (i sort of put it for decoration purposes... #changed my mind and decided not to even give it a try last minute# tjc's cut off will never be lower than vjc's cut off) then I would be posted to nyjc. THEN i realised with a pang that... I selected CLEP for TJC. which means I have 6 bonus. i'll be going in with 4 points. aka...unless RJC and HCJC becum 2 points, VJC becums 3, I will most probably be posted to tjc.
although i'm not very sure yet...
=( HAIX
I don't know why. It's like.. I've been working towards the goal of getting into the same jc as him. if you are near me when i receive my results throughout the whole of sec 4, I don't think there's a time when I didn't cry. because my points are totally not enough to get me into tjc...& all that flashes across my mind is "he will forget me, he will forget me." & then, I get 10 like him. although we have EXTREMELY different reactions, it's enough to get me into tjc. I suppose. (".)
then I start wondering...why tjc? why must I go to a jc just because he is there? Why am I still so bent on seeing him and talking to him? Why? Do I still like him? or is it because i'm so used to liking him that even when I think I like him, I don't know it's out of habit or if I really still like him.when you've always been giving a lot to a person, will you be accustomed to giving naturally because it develops into a habit? then I don't really like him anymore. it's just a habit. A habit to see him ocassionally, sms him...a habit of knowing that I like him. & suddenly all these are taken away from me and I feel really void.
thus i go all out to make myself feel contented again.
it's like a vicious cycle.
like, force yourself to not like, like, force yourself to not like, like...
& I just can't seem to break out of it.
ok, let me put it this way then...
I don't know if i still like him. i'm not going to tjc because of him. (*raises eyebrow in disbelief* OK.. that was way too delusional...nvm, let's just pretend, shall we?) I will concentrate on my studies in tjc. I won't get to meet him much anyway, tjc is so big. (damn true) & I am not his mei anymore. So I should keep my distance from him lest I find myself in a position where I like him and am trying to feel important for the millionth time.
anyway, I am quite upset. because recently more people have been telling me continuously, (& in high frequency) that girls ought to take less initiatives. yes I know that. SADDENING ='( *sobs* thank u for reminding me that I've done everything wrong. I've committed all the possible heinous crimes. SAD. of course i know it's a fact & everyone's just concerned about me. but it seriously just makes me a lot sadder...seriously.
maybe i'd feel better after a good cry. then again, I don't really feel like crying though i'm sad. *frowns* GREAT! now I'm totally nonsensical. =.=
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